Pain!
Delivered as my Dark Moon message for Connect DC on June 28, 2022.
The whole world is in pain.
We are dying by the droves, yes. But we survivors are scraping by with pain. The pain of grief, helplessness, hopelessness, hunger, thirst, physical trauma, illness, neglect, isolation, plus the homelessness due to floods, fires, earthquakes, bombs, severe weather, economic forces beyond our control, along with the consequences of bigotry, hate, fear, and the ongoing psychological toll of living in tower time.
If there is a chance we could make it through into another world worth fighting for, how can we humans survive this period of chaos with all this constant unrelenting pain?
I am not sure that any of us can answer that question on our own. But as a survivor of chronic pain, PTSD and multiple chronic medical conditions, I have learned a great deal about pain, my pain. And I have managed to hold on through the darkness in the presence of pain so incredible it dulled my vision, restricted my air intake, and like nothing I have ever faced before in my life, it took the wind right out of my sails — I can’t fight this pain, I have truly tried and failed.
But in the midst of all of this, I have learned how to thrive, create, teach, write, and resist within the presence of pain. I want so desperately to share with you some of my hard won lessons.
1. You cannot win a battle between you and your body. Your body will win every time. So make peace with it. Listen to your body, obey its rules. When you are tired, rest if you can. When you are thirsty, drink water if you can. And when you are hungry, try to eat. Move your body in anyway it is still possible. Examine your fingers, toes, and teeth regularly. Take care of yourself. This is important.
It is important in ways that might not be obvious. The world we live in cares nothing about our bodies or our health. In fact most of us are considered disposable people, as in we can be replaced when we wear out just like a machine part. And we are always and everywhere inundated with marketing that convinces us to spend gobs of money on products supposedly aimed at caring for our bodies. Remember that those messages are almost always bullshit. They are about creating profit for someone, making money is often at odds with true bodily care.
Instead, learn to listen to your body and what it is craving. Somewhere deep inside those surface messages to you lies a deeper truth. Learn to listen to this truth. You crave coffee, you are tired my friend. Craving sweets, looking for quick energy … because you are tired. A can of soft drink, you are thirsty. Salty snacks, you are low on some minerals. And the list goes on.
Learning to listen to your body and its deeper wisdom is a path toward meeting your own needs, and ultimately will train you to look deeper into the pain all around you in this world. And by deciphering the hidden truths about our collective pain, we can share our insights with those who care to listen.
2. Pain is what you feel. But pain doesn’t get to define you. Only you can do that. You can still impact this world when you are in pain. In the beginning, all I could do was lie in bed with my pain. I watched children’s programming on PBS, especially Mr Roger’s Neighborhood. They were careful with video cuts, so it was calming for me overall. But after a while, I started watching documentaries, and historical drama, moving slowly back to reading which led me back to writing.
What dawned on me was that my mind was still active and engaged, even in the midst of pain. I found that my pain could be put on the back burner only if I was engaged with something greater than me. So I stepped wholeheartedly into my work, the work that fed me and gave my life meaning. I started teaching, and started a number of events, groups, and later my spiritual tradition. I enrolled in a post graduate program and became a published author. And all the while I was in almost constant debilitating pain.
But I was also able to experience such incredible joy with my work, with my family and with my community. We are more than our pain, so much more.
When I was an activist, the most active and joyful volunteers were those for whom pain was a constant companion. It gave them something to live for and with that wasn’t about their pain.
Within this world of pain, as we move folks from shock trauma, we have to have ways for them to contribute to the well being of their community. Engaging with something greater than themselves, so they can find a way back to themselves based on what is still possible.
3. Pain teaches you about real compassion, what it feels like when it is missing. When you have pain, you become very aware of what is comforting, genuine and caring. And you slowly become able to provide it for others.
Those of us who live with chronic pain are capable of such patience when we receive appropriate care ourselves. Over time we learn to ask for what we need, and often we can offer just what is needed for others.
Being able to see or sense what is truly needed is a rare trait. And we who live with pain can be a resource for our community as we are able.
Calming down our inner gatekeeper and instead listening to folks in need is a skill that we can model and teach within our own communities.
Listening for the deeper truths, helping to mend the larger need, and sensing what is truly needed are all lessons I have drawn from my life of pain and have used to impact our shared communities.
The experience of pain need not be an obstacle to our shared work of changing the world, in fact, it may make us even more capable.
